Pure Insanity
by Kirbykat
Summary: Chappie 4 is supposed to go up...and previous chappies are supposed to be edited...but its not working...
1. Candy and Closets

Disclaimer: Me don't own Hamtaro, so don't sue I. (Translation for stupid people: I do not own Hamtaro, so do not sue me.)  
  
*Note: Kirbykat is writing this story with her friend Zeiko (a.k.a. Torie). Of course, Zeiko has to type everything. *sound of whip* Kirbykat: GET BACK TO WORK, SLACKER!!! Ummm. we'll stop scaring you now and get back to our story that has.like. no point what so ever.  
  
(If you hate this story, then it's okay. This is our first story.)  
  
Also, this story was inspired by Geniemaster's 'The Untold Hamtaro'. Yay!!!  
  
********************************In clubhouse*****************************  
  
Hamtaro: 984 bottles of rum on the wall, 984 bottles of rum.  
  
Boss: We should have never taken him to see Pirates of the Caribbean.  
  
Stan: *walks in with Pashmina behind him* Potato.  
  
Pashmina: *Starts laughing hysterically*  
  
Stan: *runs and hides behind Sandy* Help me! This chick's crazy!! *quivers in fear*  
  
Oxnard: Why is she acting like a psychopathic freak?  
  
Penelope: Ookwee! (Translation: Potato.)  
  
Pashmina: *starts laughing again*  
  
Bijou: She IZ a psychopathic freak!  
  
Sandy: Stan, you're a coward.  
  
Stan: Yeah, but I'm still alive.  
  
Maxwell: Umm, I just want everyone to know that if they find Howdy and Dexter locked in the closet, it WASN'T ME!  
  
Everyone: O_o  
  
Snoozer: Zuzuzu.good riddance.zuzuzu.  
  
*A knock on the door is heard* *the door is opened to reveal Panda and Cappy with a HUGE bag of CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
Pashmina: Yay!! *Dives into bag of candy*  
  
Everyone else: *Sweatdrop* *Pashmina is eating her heart out when she bumps into another hamster eating the candy*  
  
Pashmina and the other candy eating hamster: Owww. Potato!  
  
Pashmina and the other candy eating hamster: *laugh hysterically*  
  
Stan: Oh great! Now there's two of them!  
  
Hamtaro: Why is there someone in that bag?  
  
The other candy eating hamster: *with lots of candy in her mouth* Hgh. Muthsf ngme yzz Xdoprdolafd. Bht hedsrobdy cldkes beee Mishglasha.  
  
Everyone else: WHAT???  
  
Another hamster in the bag: She said her name is Xopolas, but everyone calls her Milana. I'm Zami.  
  
Stan: Is Xopolas even a real name?  
  
Milana: *swallowed candy already* DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY NAME!!! *starts crying dramatically*  
  
Stan: Dude, I didn't mean to insult you!!  
  
Zami: It's okay. She's just high off of sugar.  
  
Milana: AM NOT!!! *runs into wall* ouch. FUNNY MONKEY GO BOOM!!!  
  
Everyone else: -_-  
  
********************************In Closet********************************  
  
Dexter: Howdy, why are we in a closet???  
  
Howdy: I don't know Dexter. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't we play I Spy to pass the time? I'll go first. Okay, I spy something that is white and grey, and has. a red bow. and glasses. an-  
  
Dexter: It's me, right?  
  
Howdy: YEAH!!! How'd you know?  
  
Dexter: Well, seeing that we're in a closet that's brown with nothing else in it. it's kind of obvious.  
  
Howdy: oh. yeah.  
  
********************************In Clubhouse*****************************  
  
Snoozer: Zuzuzu. it's so boring.I could fall asleep.  
  
Panda: I thought that you were already asleep!  
  
Snoozer: Zuzuzu.oh yeah.zuzuzu  
  
Everyone else: *falls over anime style*  
  
Oxnard: Does anyone like broccoli?  
  
Hamtaro: AAAAHHH!!! BROCCOLI IS EVIL!!! *Hits Oxnard with a random table*  
  
Oxnard: x_x *unconscious*  
  
Hamtaro: Uhh. oops.  
  
Penelope: Ookwee! (Translation: cool!)  
  
Everyone else: O_O  
  
Did you like it? Because if you did, then you rule. Well. REVIEW!!! Cuz if you do, then YOU ARE THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. Also, please send me some ideas. They don't have to be much. And remember, the more reviews, the quicker the chapters come. 


	2. Hamster School!

Chapter #2: School and Cars  
  
Disclaimer: We no own Kushi-kushi Hamsters, so no sue!  
  
~Author's Note: Shadow Dragon Boss this chapter is dedicated to you!!!  
  
YAY!!! *Happy Hamster Dance* We're VERY VERY VERY SORRY that we didn't  
  
update sooner than this. Please forgive us. So Read, Review, and  
  
Enjoy!!!  
  
When we last saw our heroes (or villains) Howdy and Dexter were locked  
  
in a closet and the rest of the Hamtaro gang (minus Jingle) had just met  
  
Zami and Milana. Little did the happy hyper hamsters know that a  
  
sinister (maybe) Shadow was lurking, waiting...  
  
Zami: I wish Jingle was here... I like his mohawk...  
  
Milana: FUNNY MONKEY GO BOOM!!!  
  
Boss: Headache... Pain... SHUT UP ALREADY!!!  
  
Everyone else: Eep! *Hide*  
  
Cappy: *Hiding under pan*  
  
Maxwell: I've had a light bulb!  
  
Milana: Did it taste good?  
  
Maxwell: No, it means I got an idea.  
  
Milana: Oh...  
  
Maxwell: How about we start a school for hamsters.  
  
Everyone else (except for Snoozer): YAY!!!  
  
Penelope: Ookwee ookyoo!  
  
Bijou: Huh?  
  
Pashmina: She said, "Wait a minute, what's a school?"  
  
Maxwell: A school is a place where there is a wealth of information that  
  
everyone may draw upon. Many of our owners go to school.  
  
Oxnard: That sounds like fun!  
  
Maxwell: Okay, first we need to decide who will be who.  
  
Milana: I wanna be the muffin man!  
  
Hamtaro: Do you know the muffin man?  
  
Stan: The muffin man?  
  
Hamtaro: The muffin man!  
  
Panda: I know the muffin man. He lives on Dreary Lane!!!  
  
Maxwell: *Sigh* *Bangs head against the wall*  
  
Cappy: But how can you be the muffin man if you're a girl?  
  
Milana: Uh... I could be the muffin monkey!!!  
  
Maxwell: Okay, fine! You can be the muffin monkey! JUST BE QUIET!!!  
  
Cappy: I wanna be the assassin!  
  
Stan: NO! I wanna be the assassin! Because then, all the ladies would  
  
see all of my majesty and hotness!  
  
Maxwell: THERE ARE NO ASSASSINS IN SCHOOL!!!  
  
Cappy: Can I be the blackboard then?  
  
Maxwell: *Sigh* There only a couple things that you can be! There's the  
  
teacher, the substitute, the principle, and the lunch hams.  
  
Everyone else: Oh... Okay...  
  
Maxwell: Well, I'm going to be the teacher, since I'm the smartest.  
  
Pashmina: I wanna be the hot substitute!  
  
Stan: COOL!!! I wanna be the hot substitute's assistant!!!  
  
Maxwell: Okay, who wants to be the principal?  
  
Penelope: OOKWEE!!! (I do!!!) *Raising her paw*  
  
Maxwell: Uh... Anyone else?  
  
Cricket: chirp  
  
Maxwell: Okay, I guess you can be the principal.  
  
Penelope: OOKWEEEEE!!! (YAY!!!)  
  
Maxwell: *Sigh* Now, who wants to be in charge of lunch?  
  
Bijou: I do! I could make French sunflower pudding, acorn souflette,  
  
and a lot more!  
  
Milana: I WANNA MAKE MUFFINS!!!  
  
Maxwell: Okay...  
  
*Long silence*  
  
Panda: Hey, has anyone seen Zami?  
  
~~~~~~In the middle of nowhere~~~~~~  
  
Zami: *Driving a little car and singing* On the road again... I just  
  
can't wait to get on the road again... Can't wait to see Jingle and his  
  
friends... I just can't wait to get on the road again!  
  
~~~~~~In the clubhouse~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: Okay, so I'm the teacher, Penelope's the principal, Pashmina's  
  
the substitute, Stan's the substitute's assistant, Bijou and Milana are  
  
the lunch people, and... Yeah.  
  
Cappy: So... Ah... What next?  
  
Maxwell: You guys get to be taught by me!  
  
Shadow: (Silently) Fools... They have no idea what horror shall soon  
  
befall them!!!  
  
Panda: Wait... Don't schools have mascots and mottos and stuff?  
  
Sandy: You're right!  
  
Oxnard: *Eating Cocoa puffs* the motto should be catchy, like on  
  
commercials for cereal, but what's a good cereal?  
  
Stan: Right in front of face, dude! COCOA PUFFS!!!  
  
Everyone else: WE'RE COO-COO FOR COCOA PUFFS!!!  
  
Oxnard: *Banging head on wall* WHY ME, WHY?!?!  
  
Boss: What about a mascot?  
  
Pashmina: It should be something small, cute, and furry!  
  
Milana: But what animal could possibly meet all those requirements?  
  
Maxwell: Hamsters?  
  
Everyone else: YAY!!!  
  
Snoozer: Idiots...  
  
Shadow: Morons...  
  
Bijou: Can ve start now? I vant to cook!  
  
Maxwell: Sure. *Rings bell* Okay, everyone please take your seats.  
  
*Bijou and Milana go to start cooking. Penelope goes and trying to look  
  
menacing, and Pashmina and Stan go to wait for substitutes to be needed*  
  
~~~~~~Meanwhile...~~~~~~  
  
Zami: *Is climbing a tree to get to Jingle, who is sitting on a branch,  
  
singing (go figure)* Almost there... Jingle... Almost there...  
  
Jingle: (Singing) Man, it feels good to be a woman! (Talking) Gee, I'm  
  
sure as glad no one was listening, talk about wonderful blackmail...  
  
Zami: *Jumps in front of Jingle* HI CUTIE!!!  
  
Jingle: AHHHHHH!!! *Falls out of tree* Ow... *Twitch* Pain...  
  
Zami: Oops... SORRY!!!  
  
~~~~~~In the kitchen of the clubhouse...~~~~~~  
  
Bijou: My vonderful alfalfa soup ez done!  
  
Milana: I MADE A MUFFIN!!! YAY FOR ME!!!  
  
Cappy: Can I have the muffin?  
  
Milana: MY MUFFIN!!! AHHHHH!!! *Runs away*  
  
Cappy: Uh, whatever...  
  
~~~~~~Where Milana is...~~~~~~  
  
Milana: *Runs into Panda* Ow...  
  
Panda: I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?  
  
Milana: No. BUT YOU KILLED MY MUFFIN!!!  
  
Panda: I'm sorry...  
  
Milana: ...That's okay! Me make another one! HABODANOKASI!!! *Runs  
  
off*  
  
Panda: Okay... That was odd...  
  
~~~~~~In closet...~~~~~~  
  
Howdy: I think that they forgot about us!  
  
Dexter: Great observation, genius!  
  
Howdy: Thank you! Now I need to say one of my wonderful jokes.  
  
Dexter: Oh great.  
  
Howdy: Why did the Ham-ham play cards in his Mustang convertible?  
  
Dexter: Why? *Rolls eyes*  
  
Howdy: Because he was in a car! Get it? Cards? Car? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Dexter: That wasn't funny. It was stupid and pathetic!  
  
Howdy: Heheheh... *Sweatdrop*  
  
~~~~~~In the "Classroom"~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: Okay class! Time for Geography! Open your Geography books to  
  
page 3!  
  
Everyone else: Which one is that?  
  
Maxwell: Can't ant of you read? Do you even know what reading is?  
  
Everyone else: ...No...  
  
Cappy: Oh wait! I do!  
  
Maxwell: well, I'm glad SOMEONE knows what reading is.  
  
Cappy: Isn't it some sort of lasagna?  
  
Maxwell: Never mind... So, well, now, instead of geography, I shall  
  
teach you the ABC's. Repeat after me. A.  
  
Everyone else: A!  
  
Maxwell: B.  
  
Everyone else: B!  
  
*And so he continues to through the alphabet* *After going through the  
  
alphabet five times, Cappy raises his hand*  
  
Maxwell: Yes Cappy?  
  
Cappy: So what were we doing just now?  
  
Maxwell: *Banging head on wall* Why me?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~End o' Chappie Two~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zami: Poor, poor Maxwell, huh? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
KirbyKat: *Cracks whip* Get to work!!!  
  
Zami: But we just finished a chapter!  
  
KirbyKat: So start working on the next one!  
  
Zami: *Sigh* Fine... Remember to review, you lovely reviewers! Bye!!!  
  
KirbyKat: And remember, I LUV U!!!!! 


	3. To the Moon!

Disclaimer: Us no own Kushi Kushis 'cept ours. So you can't sue us, and I laugh at your pitiful attempts to do so. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Zeiko: And now it's SHOUTOUT TIME!

Kirbykat: We have shoutouts? Since when?

Zeiko: Since......NEVER!

Kirbykat: Then why are we doing shoutouts?

Zeiko: Cuz I feel like it!

Kirbykat: Then if you get to do shoutouts, then I want a llama! Runs off

Zeiko: Okay then, the shoutouts go to Ge-

Kirbykat: on llama which just ran into Zeiko See my llama? His name is Elvis! Yay!

Zeiko: Um.....so like I was saying, the shoutouts go to Ge-

Kirbykat: DON'T YOU LIKE MY LLAMA? Teary eyes

Zeiko: Yes, it's lovely. Now shut up.

Kirbykat: hmph.

Zeiko: Okay...... the shoutouts go to Geniemaster (the inspiration), Shadowdragonboss (the first reviewer), and taffy (the really good tasting candy)!!! Woohoo!

Kirbykat: You guys are great! Especially the taffy! Oh, and a shoutout to Celestialnight, who is a really great writer (she's nice too!) Now, we'll stop annoying you and get to chappie 3! Oh, and just one more thing: Kirbykat Milana same person! And Zeiko Zami same person! Now, on to the show!

On the road, again...

Zami: Must find Jingle, must find Jingle, must find Jingle...

Jingle: I feel like I'm being stalked! Shifty eyes

Clubhouse

Milana: I miss Zami! Remembers Zami bossing her around Actually... nevermind.

Maxwell: Should we look for her?

Milana: Nah! She'll be fine!

Pashmina: I'm going to go let Howdy and Dexter out of the closet now. I miss being fought over.

Milana: .......POTATO!

Pashmina and Milana: both burst out laughing

Others: sweatdrop

Boss: shakes head sadly I'll go let them out...

Others: Ok.

Jingle: bursts in door slams door behind him

Sandy: Like, what was that for?

Jingle: I think I was being followed!

Zami: knocks on door Can I come in?!?

Jingle: shifty eyes dives behind couch

Zami: comes in sees Milana and runs over and hugs her OH, I've missed you!!!

Milana: Can't..... breathe......swirly eyes

Boss, Dexter, and Howdy come in

Panda: So...... what now?

Penelope: OOKWEE!!! Starts square dancing

Others: Err...

Pashmina: Yeah! Let's all go bake cookies!

Others: Huh?

Pashmina: Dashes into kitchen and, in the process, tramples Jingle

Jingle: Oh the horrible pain... twitch can't....move....

Zami: lets go of Milana, who is also twitching OH NO! Poor Jingle! Is suddenly in Nurse's outfitI'll nurse you back to health, even if it takes an hour!

Jingle: Err... Do I know you?

Stan: She was following you.

Jingle: So somebody was following me!

Sandy: Like, yeah.

Cappy: This is Zami and Milana. They're new and both LOVE sugar.

Zami: And muffins!

Milana: And llamas!

Zami: And leaves!

Milana: And Spat!

Others: GASP

Milana: Huh?

Howdy: Ya know who Spat is?

Milana: nods He's cool.

Dexter: But Spat is evil!

Milana: I know... drool

Long moment of silence

Oxnard: Is it time for dinner yet? I'm hungry.

Later

Everyone has gone home. Boss, Milana, Zami, and Jingle are at the clubhouse telling stories and poems to each other

Jingle: Once, I saw a kangaroo,  
It was sad and very blue,  
He was locked up in the zoo,  
So I gave him my kazoo.

Zami: wearing a hat that says "Jingle's #1 Fan" on it and those big foam "#1" finger things Woohoo! Go Jingle! Yippee! YAY!!!

Milana and Boss: sweatdrop

Boss: Hey, uh, what happened to Hamtaro? I haven't seen him in over a chapter.....

Milana: Ooh! Let's go on a mission to find him! SECRET AGENT STYLE! Starts whistling the "Secret Agent Man" song

Jingle: But where would we look? In every cranny and nook?

Zami: We could go to the moon!

Boss: The moon?!? Why there?

Zami: holds up piece of paper and reads it aloud  
Dear Ham-hams,  
I went to the moon to find out what it tastes like.  
- Hamtaro

Zami: Well duh! The moon tastes like cheese! Sigh I guess we have to go find him.

Milana: Woohoo! Road trip! .....Err.....sky trip.....? Um......YAY!

Jingle: How will we get there? We cannot fly.  
How can we go, up into the sky?

Boss: Hey, I know! Whips out a big red button and pushes it

A big rocket emerges from the ground

Zami: And why do you have a space ship?

Boss: Panda made it for me. I thought it would come in handy someday.

They all board, and the rocket takes off

LATER!

All of them are completely bored, as they've been on the space ship for over a week

Jingle: (he brought his guitar with him)  
I am so bored, out of my mind,  
Time does not go forward, it does not rewind,  
We'll search for Hamtaro, yes that's who we'll find,  
And when I see him I will kick his behind....

Zami: staring at Jingle sigh He's so sexy....

Milana: I GOT A PICKLE, I GOT A PICKLE, I GOT A PICKLE, HEY HEY HEY HEY!

Boss: Grr......Getting really ticked off

Milana: I GOT A NICKEL, I GOT A NICKEL, I GOT A NICKEL, HEY HEY HEY HEY!

Boss: JEEZ, BE QUIET!!!

Milana: Hmph. Fine, be that way, meanie. Sticks out tongue

All of a sudden, Dexter and Howdy appear out of nowhere

Boss, Milana, Zami, and Jingle: Eep!

Dexter: We are here to take over your ship, Captain Ferret!

Milana: Captain Ferret? Who's he?

Howdy: Hey, this isn't the right spaceship! Mumbling stupid portal thing.....

Dexter: Darn it! Sigh Oh well... we can still hijack it though!

Howdy: Yay!

They both wrap Boss, Milana, Zami, and Jingle up and put them in a locked room

Jingle: I hate to be bound, by string or by rope,  
In this situation, there might not be hope.

Zami: sigh Even at a bad time, you still sound sexy...

Milana: Hey, is this rope made of candy? Starts eating the rope

Boss: -- I wish I never went on this stupid trip...

Hamtaro: pops out of nowhere Yum.... cheese is good...

Jingle: Hey! You're okay!

Hamtaro: Yeah, and the moon is actually quite tasty!

Milana: What do you mean?

Zami: how much of the moon did you eat?

Hamtaro: Well.... you see..... I was kind of hungry.....

Boss: Did you eat the whole moon?

Hamtaro: Um.....kinda.....and.......yup.

Boss: talking to himself So that's why we couldn't find the moon....

Jingle: Without the moon, the sky is quite bare,  
It has lost all it's taste, like and old, rotten pear.

Zami: Still sexy.... Dreamy eyes

Milana: ate all of the rope surrounding her Yum... that was some good candy.....

Boss: So um......what now?

Suddenly, Hamtaro, Boss, Milana, Zami, and Jingle are randomly sucked into a blackhole

SWIRLY LIGHTS!

Fall into clubhouse

Milana: WEE!!! That was fun! AGAIN! AGAIN!

Zami: Woah.....so dizzy...... falls over

Jingle: That felt so weird, something words can't describe,  
I feel really freaky and funny inside....

Boss: Finally..... we're home...

Hamtaro: Yum.... cheese.....

Milana: Weeee...TV TIME!

They all sit on the couch and turn on the TV

NEWS! NEWS! NEWS! NEWS!

Reporter: Our top story tonight: Two hamsters were spotted trying to take over the world, and they have committed a series of hijackings. They seem to go by the names of "Dexter and Howdy." If you have any information on these two criminals, please call 1-800-PICKLES. Thank you. Click

Milana: BO-RING! I'm glad I don't know those two villains. They might try to hijack something that I was in!

Zami: Uh... right. What should we do now?

All: Hmm....

Milana: Let's all play duck-duck-goose!

Hamtaro: Yeah!

Boss: Sure...

Jingle: nods, as he's playing his guitar

Zami: Yay! I wanna start!

All of them get in a circle

Zami: Duck.....duck......duck.......duck......goes around the circle 37 times before finally stopping at Jingle....... GOOSE! Starts running

Jingle: stays seated, still playing his guitar  
Run, run, as fast as you can,  
You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man,  
Yet I'm just a hamster, not an edible man,  
And I cannot run, as fast as he can.

Zami: Um.....You're supposed to chase me!

Jingle: I did, indeed in the words I just said,  
And now, I think that I will go to bed. Falls asleep

Milana: That made NO sense...

Zami: He's cooler than I thought....... Sigh

Suddenly, the lights go out

Milana: EEP! Runs around in circles WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! AAAAAH!

Zami:.... uh.....I don't really like the dark.....heh... shifty eyes

Jingle: Calm down, dudettes, it is okay,  
As long as we stay, out of harm's way.

Suddenly, a mysterious shadow appears, but it is too dark to tell who it is. The shadow turns on the lights, and they reveal themselves to be.....

DOO DA LOO! CLIFFHANGER THINGAMABOB! Yay!

Okay, that was not the greatest chapter in the world...but you guys need to give me some ideas! Now!

I, Kirbykat (and sort of Zeiko), have FINALLY finished chappie 3, after almost nine months! Hooray for me! I decided I would post the next chappie as a Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Year present 4 u peeps who gave us wonderful reviews! THANX A BUNCH!

One more thing: Vandagirl519, thanx for, like, the ONLY real idea! And to aquameko, yes, I DO watch a lot of TV. Queen of Cats: I never noticed I didn't put Hamtaro in da 2nd chappie! Oops! And zerodog43: You like ? Yay! Celestial Night: Thanks for the nice reviews! You're so sweet! Purityprincess and aleandrahater: MY STORY DOES NOT SUCK! Meanies.... And to everyone else who reviewed (that was nice to me): HUGS! Hugs everyone I HEART REVIEWERS!

So until next time, READ, READ, READ....REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!

Peace out y'all! (That wuz weird)

Kirbykat and Zeiko


End file.
